I just woke up from the weirdest fucking dream, lol, and now I’m going to decipher it…

“The bad memories haunt your dream world and stir up nightmares…”

~ Leah Rae

The majority of it was my mom disagreeing with and getting frustrated with everything that came out of my mouth, which is par for the course and totally normal in this house. But at one point in my dream I became really fed up and stormed off to my room and began cleaning my closet?

I guess that’s because I actually cleaned out and organized my closet yesterday and the vibes continued. Anyway, all of a sudden I noticed a part of the wall was covered in these weird brown egg sack remnants. It looked like areas of the wall had been eaten away because pieces of the studs were exposed….

That might have to do with my memories of the house in Boonsboro I moved back from last year. My abusive ex bought a house with plaster walls and her neurotic ass decided to demo and Sheetrock most of the rooms because it was starting to fall apart. I have nightmares about construction now… a trade I used to enjoy.

But back to my dream… I remember wondering “what the fuck kind of bug do these belong to, and how long has this been here?” All of a sudden this creepy wingless skinny spider wasp came rushing out from the hole in the base of the wall and chased my pansy ass out of the closet and I jumped on to my bed.

I decipher that has to do with the fact that my LGBT+ “coming out experience” didn’t go anything like I planned or hoped. I was basically forced out by my mom and her probing questions that she asks just so she can get mad at my honesty… it’s been a conundrum my whole life. I grew up terrified of her, and I’m freaked out by bugs… it all makes sense…

Then I quickly woke up for real all disoriented not sure what was going on. I heard voices out in the living room so I was convinced I was just napping, but I didn’t remember laying down. Then I looked at my watch and saw it was 5:10 and my mind immediately went to “OH SHIT IT’S 5 PM!” So I jumped out of bed still completely unaware, until my kiddo in the bed beside mine asked in her sweet little voice “what’s wrong mommy?” That snapped me back to reality, but that hybrid creepy crawly combination of two of my greatest phobias, is something I will now never unsee. 😳 I’ll try to draw a picture of it today…