Do you know what it’s like to live with misphonia? Do you want to? I wonder if you would even be able to imagine it. First off, What is misphonia exactly? according to Merriam-Webster is:

“a condition in which one or more common sounds (such as the ticking of a clock, the hum of a fluorescent light, or the chewing or breathing of another person) cause an atypical emotional response (such as disgust, distress, panic, or anger) in the affected person hearing the sound”

But as someone that deals with it daily, I can assure you it’s more than that. It’s hearing what’s not being said, Kind of like a human lie detector. I hear what you are saying, but I also hear what you’re not saying. I can also read between the lines, so I literally trust no one because of how much I’ve always been lied to my entire life. But back to misphonia… I hear subliminal messages in literally everything. Actually, I literally hear every sound ever… kind of like Dolores from Encanto. But even more than obvious noises, I hear the whispers of the wind tell us all of the answers to life’s secrets. The birds squawking because we are destroying their homes and they can’t breathe, radio advertisements just keep telling me over and over that “you need this” no matter what is being advertised. Just a few minutes ago I was watching TV in the basement and the air conditioner kicked on in the washroom. One minute I’m enjoying an episode of Atypical, and the next it sounds like a demon is breathing behind me and I suddenly have a creepy ass voice in my left ear telling me I’m dying.

Which yeah it’s not wrong cause we’re all dying. From the moment we are born we are always another minute closer to death. Buuuuut, I only hear that voice anymore in the basement when the air is blowing. That’s a funny thing for the air conditioner in my house to be telling me… and yeah some people are going to totally judge me and just call me schizophrenic, and you know so the fuck what if I am? I’m not violent or a danger, so just go kick rocks. With everything my brain has been through, It’s a wonder I’m still alive and able to wipe my own ass. I’m honestly one of the kindest and most forgiving people I have ever met, and people take advantage of me for that all of the time. Human lie detector remember?

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in one of those badly dubbed kung foo movies. I see mouths moving but the words don’t match up. For example when there is anger in your eyes and voice I hear hate instead of the love being screamed and snarled at me. Or my absolute favorite is when “I love you” is followed by an immediate “but.” That “but” negates anything loving about what you have to say next, and all I hear is “you’re not good enough.” It’s a really sad existence to live, especially as a little kid terrified of the world. So terrified but yet so trusting because all you were searching for is the love you weren’t getting at home.

Interestingly enough when you say angry hateful things to me, I understand you loud and clear. No miscommunications there… except most people all of a sudden don’t remember saying vile things. Or they try to defend and explain their way out of it. They give some excuse as to why they said it and it shouldn’t be an issue.

That isn’t love, and real love can’t be bought. That’s a super narcissistic way of thinking. And that mindset is not a good one to have. If you made it this far, thank you! Leave a comment if you have experienced anything similar to this, I’d love to know if I’m the only one this happens to… sending everyone healing vibes cause I know we all need them ❤️‍🩹